November is Sadie Hawkins month. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the celebration, it’s the time when women ask men out on a date. So, in honor of the holiday, go for it. Channel your inner Sadie, pick up the phone (not text) and ask that guy, you know the one you’ve been jones’n for a date with, out!
But here’s some words of caution: When you do get the date, be sure to put on your princess-of-diplomacy tiara, and say the right thing!
Here are 10 ACTUAL first date verbal faux pas, you’re going to want to avoid, and how you can turn the very same statements into meaningful first date conversation. After all, you do want him to return the favor and ask you out on the second date.
WILL YOU FINANCIALLY SUPPORT ME?
Twenty-two year old Andrew, a cooking instructor and dating coach at cookingfordates.com, recently heard this line on a first date, “I don’t work. Working is a man’s job — I’m old fashioned that way, I want to be like a 50s housewife, you know? Oh, but I hate cooking and cleaning…my husband will do that too.” Andrew assured me that girl wouldn’t be getting a second date. He is not alone. In a recent survey of 200 daters, 30% of the respondents indicated that telling someone you want to be financially supported is the number one turn-off. Instead, she might have complimented him and said something like, “I think a man who cooks is cool, and I’ll be your sous chef any day.” Bingo! Implied second date, without asking for the date, and a guaranteed great meal to boot.
Robert, 34, from WhatsYourPrice.com shared this story. “My mom set me up with her friend’s daughter. She was nice enough and a bit shy. When I asked her what her goals for the future were, she said that she wanted to work part-time at Forever 21 and get off Mom and Dad’s payroll.” Needless to say, Robert won’t be going out with that girl again. Bottom line, any discussion about money; making, taking, or counting, is a taboo first date topic. Avoid it.
Matchmaking and dating expert, Stefanie Safran from “Stef and the City,” shared one of her female clients stories from one of her dates, worst dates. She said, “The guy told me this woman stated, ‘Well that’s better than my last first date, she told me she couldn’t drink because she was on IVF medication because she was trying to get pregnant.'” Is this good or bad? At least the woman was honest about her intentions in wanting to get pregnant. I once had a date with a man who told me this story. He had had great conversations, over several weeks, with a woman when they finally decided to meet for the first time. He was shocked when she bellied up to the bar with a 6-month baby bump, she’d neglected to mention…even once. Really?! That’s just dishonest. My suggestion is either you come clean before you meet, so the guy knows what to expect, or wait until after you deliver the baby and then start dating as a single mother.
Forty-two year old Shane shared, “I went on a date with a model in her twenties who was being really rude to me. When I asked why she agreed to come on the date in the first place, she said she wasn’t wearing her glasses when I asked.” Wow, that’s is rude taken to a whole new level. Remember the old adage, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” Ring true people? Sometimes, you don’t want the second date and that’s okay.
Jared, 25, had a similarly obnoxious first date interaction. He said, “I once had a date tell me that she preferred to date men who were less attractive, less successful and less desirable than her because it made her feel like she was in control. That necessarily wouldn’t have been a deal breaker statement on its own, but she followed it up later in the date by telling me that I was “exactly, 100% her type”. Wow. That woman is just setting herself up for bad karma!
I DON’T LIKE…(FILL IN THE BLANK)
I love this one. Zach, a 24-year-old dater went out with a clever lady who told him, “I don’t really like reading.” He told me his immediate next thought was, “What? How can I move forward with this date when you just bashed reading in its entirety? Good luck with everything. I mean, EVERYTHING, pretty much requires reading at some point.” My best suggestion, steer clear of discussing things you don’t like, and talk about things you DO like.
MEET MY PARENTS
Take note of this, ladies. Another respondent, Arnold, told me the single greatest line that scares him the most is, “You’ll love meeting my parents next week.” (Or sometime soon). Craig Donaldson, president and founder of Model Quality Introductions suggests that instead this woman could have communicated a similar thought with this kind of statement, “I only take someone home to meet my parents if I really like them. Maybe, I’ll let you meet them soon!”
YOU’RE AN ABUSER, RIGHT?
DL Llewellyn, 64, was sitting outside on a stream edged deck of a restaurant, shaded by willows with soft music in the background when without warning he was sucker punched by this first date faux pas, “What kind of abuser are you? All men are abusers; I just want to know what kind you are.” According to Donaldson, if she had really wanted a second date her question should have been “How would you protect someone you love from harm? I’ve never had a man protect me I’ve always had to fend for myself. Would you protect me no matter what?”
LET’S NAME OUR KIDS
Jason Nik, a 28-year-old Life Coach & Relationship Expert shared that one of his first dates skipped the courting stage of their relationship all together and went straight to child bearing with her first date flub. She pondered aloud, “What do you think our kids’ names would be?” He continued the story, “I wouldn’t date a woman if I know there is absolutely no future, but that doesn’t mean I want to start planning my future with her on our first date. Relationships are built over time. If she’s already planning our kids’ names, then she’s moving way too fast, and there was no way I was going to have a second date.” She may as well have been the teacher in the Charlie Brown comic strip. All Jason heard after that was “wa wa waah wa wa.” The worst part, he told me, was she kept going on and on, listing names.
Finally, 39-year-old Joel shared, “I asked a hostess from one of my favorite restaurants out. On the date, she went to the ladies and thought it a good idea to text me from the stall that she missed me. I don’t know what’s worse, the thought of her squatting and texting, or the fact that I can’t go to the restaurant she works at anymore.” The lesson here is, it’s not only what you say verbally, but also what you toilet-tweet that can kill your chances for a second rendezvous.
The truth is every man wants to make his woman feel special, cared about, taken care of, and loved. Just give him the chance, and the majority of the time he will shine.
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