8 Ways to Become a Successful Online Dater

Woman online datingMore and more couples are finding love online. And as Internet dating has grown, so have the number of sites promising to help you find “the one.”

Whether you’re using FirstMet.com or another site, the ultimate success of online dating rests with the dater. When daters take the process seriously and do their best to connect with other singles, they’re more likely to make meaningful connections.

So how do you do that? Relationship expert Ken Solin shares eight ways to make the most of your online dating profile:

1. Self-Inflicted Wounds

I try not to roll my eye when my fellow seniors tell me that they’ve never met anyone with genuine relationship potential, online. I don’t mean to be glib or insensitive about their plight because we all struggle with the same difficulties, but many online daters’ wounds are self-inflicted. The first and most noticeable feature on a dater’s profile is their photos, which are best shot by a friend to ensure good quality.

2. Cheese!

But a good photo can be a good news/bad news scenario. The good news is that potential dates get a realistic sense of what you look like. In that vein I suggest posting several photos, and at least one that’s a full-length shot. I tell every client that the best way to attract attention is to post smiling photos. A smile is attractive, warm, and inviting.

The bad news aspect of good photos is that too many online daters never get past the photos. They choose potential dates based entirely on what people look like. The success rate for folks who choose dates in this manner is close to zero for obvious reasons.

3. Cruisers

How can you tell if someone contacted you based solely on your photo? If you receive emails in your dating inbox with messages like, “Wow, you’re cute,” “Let’s talk,” “I resonated with your profile,” or any variation on short and sweet themes, the sender didn’t read your profile and he or she has no idea who you are. They’re shooting in the dark and hoping someone will rise to the bait. I suggest you don’t.

4. Do Your Homework

While reading through a myriad of profiles can be fatiguing, there’s no substitute for doing some homework before contacting someone. What might make someone want to spend valuable time reading your story? An interesting, creative profile is the best hook.

What does that mean? First, some creative writing skills are required. If yours are limited, ask a friend or co-worker with better skills to help you. Alternatively, hire a writer for what should be a very small effort.

5. Be Original

The reason most profiles are glanced through or ignored is that few are remotely interesting or different. Everyone likes to walk on the beach, share a glass of wine by the fireplace in winter, take romantic drives through the countryside, etc. There’s nothing in these profiles to entice someone to dig deeper or read further, and people are relegated to making choices based on low quality information.

Relationship expert Ken Solin

Relationship expert Ken Solin

6. Make A Movie

You can change your prospects and increase your odds for success by focusing on who you are and why you’re a good date pick.

For instance most profiles state a person’s travel experiences like a supermarket, shopping list. They’ve been to France, Spain, Hawaii, Africa, Asia, or wherever. That’s not only boring, but may come across as boastful, not a good quality to project. I detail how to write creative profiles extensively in my new book, The Boomer Guide to Finding True Love Online, available this fall, but here’s one example that creates a far more interesting travel hook that’s likely to garner attention.

7. Romance Sells

Pick a favorite destination and write a short film script describing what sharing that spot with a lover/partner might look like. On my profile I wrote about sharing Paris, my favorite destination, with a lover. I described walking along the Left Bank of the Seine River on a sunny morning on the way to the Musee D’Orsay, sharing a late lunch afterward at an outdoor café, and making love and falling asleep in each other’s arms before going out for drinks and dinner. I received a large number of emails from women who watched my film in their imaginations and wanted to be in it with me.

8. In It To Win It

A boring profile suggests a boring person, or even worse, someone that didn’t feel it was important enough to write about him or herself in a manner that reflects a real desire to meet someone. Unless you’re George Clooney handsome or Scarlett Johansson beautiful, you’re not going to be very popular posting a profile that puts readers to sleep.

Another mistake many people make is checking all the boxes that say, “I’ll tell you later,” With the exception of income, which I feel is too personal to post, this is a huge mistake. It screams, “I’m not really interested in this so I’m making the minimal effort.” No one will be attracted to this type of minimalist approach. Laziness and lack of interest aren’t good online dating qualities. You’re either in it to win it or you’re not, and how you present yourself online speaks to which is most true.

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