For all the singles that have been on more first dates than second ones, this advice is for you.
First dates are important. Every relationship needs a beginning, and that usually comes in the form of a first date.
Sometimes they are a little awkward, sometimes they are terrible, and sometimes they go really well but you still don’t get a call back. What gives?
1) “She was too boring/serious.”
This usually happens if conversation stays on those standard topics like work and never really makes him feel any emotional connection. It also happens if a first date is missing all of those fun elements that add sexual tension – teasing, jokes, flirting, showing your playful, cheeky side. It’s particularly easy for women who are used to being dominant at work to fall into this “serious-mode” trap, and it can take some practice to get out of it.
2) “She’s shallow.”
Surprisingly, perhaps, men have a well-honed radar for women who seem superficial or shallow. (Note – we are talking about high quality guys here. Of course, those men who are only looking for one thing might be less picky). A first date for a guy is a chance to see if the woman he’s on a date with has standards and integrity. If she just agrees with everything he says, or isn’t able to talk about anything deeper than what she had for lunch today, it’s enough to ensure he doesn’t want to repeat the experience any time soon.
3) “She would be too much drama.”
A man will say this if a woman brings up her exes, or bad previous relationships, or if she seems to get easily upset when little things go wrong. These little behaviors spell out “drama queen” for a guy, and it’s a big reason that men get scared off early on.
The dating phase can be the most exciting, adventurous, interesting time you’ll ever have. I know some women who have so much fun dating that they don’t even want a relationship, simply because they enjoy putting energy and creativity into making great dates.
Choose dates that inspire better conversation.
Dating needs to be something that excites us. Just going to the same old bar and having drinks makes it hard to inject much emotional connection. Try dates that force you to share an experience together – try new places, make that little extra effort to create an extraordinary experience. Do something you’re passionate about and bring him into your world.
Get to understand who he is, not just what he does.
In first date conversation, spend less time on the facts and more time on understanding the person behind them. Share your dreams and aspirations. Talk about where you would most like to be in the world. Talk about your deepest values. Be excited about the future.
Make fun a priority.
As we have already seen, most people treat first dates like a long test. Throw all that out the window and make the date about having fun together. People remember the emotions of a first date – the excitement and sense of adventure – let go and have fun – play silly games, go seek out a new area of your city you’ve never been before, tease each other and act like giddy teenagers – make your dates fascinating.